Maria & Aleksander’s Story

Love across borders

Maria is the Headteacher at a Greek Saturday school in Manchester. Aleksander works in the immigration advice sector and comes from Poland, and grew up in a multilingual household. Their story shows us how love transcends borders, and how culture and community is shared in EU citizens’ families.

“Our wedding was a multicultural event. The invites were passports, with everything written out in three languages. Our love was celebrated by people from all over the world. We had speeches and readings in three languages. It was a unique experience and we couldn’t have imagined a more perfect way of coming together.” 

Maria met Aleksander through a mutual friend who played matchmaker. “She did a really good job”, she jokes. After meeting in 2015, Aleksander soon joined Maria in the UK and they got married two years later.

“Part of the reason we wanted to rush things was because of Brexit. We didn’t know what our rights would be after the referendum, so we wanted to be more secure, and being married would give us more certainty that we would be able to stay together.”

Both of them were part of an international community when they met, having been on Erasmus in different countries, and having a desire to explore the world. Aleksander’s background is in law, and Maria’s in languages. They light up when they talk about each other’s careers.

“I’m so very proud of Aleksander. He’s such an intelligent, caring person, with a strong sense of justice. We both seek meaning in our professional lives,” said Maria.

“You can see when Maria is passionate about something, she loses sleep over it. There’s such a drive, as she goes above and beyond, because she really believes in the cause,” said Aleksander.

Both forged different identities, growing next to one another. They have different perspectives on what defines them, influenced by their relationships with those around them. While Aleksander kept his ties with friends from his home city, Maria found connection to Greeks in the UK.

“When I first came here, I was 26, Brexit wasn’t on the cards, and I wanted to immerse myself in the language, and the hugely international environment of the UK. In the last few years, I felt I wanted more of a link to the Greek community. That was strengthened by Brexit. The more I stayed away, the stronger my desire to connect. It’s made me more at peace with my Greekness. Aleksander has also become more Greek, as I managed to pass on more stuff; our community is really welcoming,” said Maria.

He agrees, and explains about his multicultural identity:

“Although I’ve had only one nationality, that doesn’t tell the whole story of who I am. As a family, we lived close to the border with Germany and would visit Berlin on a regular basis; it didn’t feel like going abroad, and we had friends from all over the world. It shapes your mind, and it’s no coincidence that the EU was founded by people who lived on the border. It gives you a broader outlook.

“I’ve just gone through naturalisation as a British citizen, and it was a touching moment for me. In the ceremony, the registrar talked a lot about Mancunian identity, and I was impressed that local identity was recognised and celebrated.

“For me, it was important to become a full member of the political landscape in this country, and be able to vote in general elections and have the option of standing as a candidate, too.

“I now feel my identity is more whole. And my Britishness isn’t at odds at all with my European identity. I feel at home from Reykjavik, to Athens, to London and Manchester. This is what home is.”

Maria feels very different about applying for British citizenship:

“For me, this issue hasn’t settled, so I can’t go for my citizenship yet. I would find it artificial as people would not perceive me as British - they’d still hear my accent, and ask me where I’m really from. So I won’t do it until it feels right for me.”

They both find UK society to be welcoming and inclusive, but notice how political rhetoric has become more divisive:

“There are stereotypes that people place on both of us. Where most Brits have gone on holiday to Greece, they might not have stepped foot in Poland, or the whole of Eastern Europe. There are more negative stereotypes going around. We do see that changing, gradually, but it’s not helped by the horrible racist and xenophobic language we hear from politicians, that started at Brexit and has become more mainstream since, “ said Maria.

International families have always existed, and we have a lot to learn about resilience, determination, flexibility and love from them. For communities in the UK, having ties to others who are going through similar journeys to us can bring us strength and solidarity. Recognising similarities and differences in how the world has shaped who we are today is fundamental to finding common ground.